2011

There are a million things I want to do this year but I am not even going to try and label anything as a New Year’s Resolution. I just don’t do that, I was never been good at keeping that.

So instead, I am going to make an effort to ‘do’ everything in my 2011 to-do list (broken down quarterly).

Q1

- Clean out my closet. Try to accept that I am at a weight that I cannot change and purge some of the clothes that I know are never going to fit me.
- Blog more often. At least once a week.
- Spend some quality time with my aging grandmother and new niece when I visit them in March.
- Be open to meeting new friends. I’ve always been weary about new people who are interested in being a part of my life.
- Laugh more with my kids and husband.
- Learn to let go of things even in small doses.
- Take more photos.
- Walk more often, take deeper breaths and be thankful about being here.
- Work on my patience and my unreasonable response when things don’t go my way.

Q2

- Enjoy spring.
- Read more and get back to learning French.
- Figure out a way to travel with the hubby sans the kids.
- Learn to give my oldest child space and learn to miss her less. Of course not love her less!
- Spend more time in the kitchen, learn to cook new dishes and bake more often.
- Teach Coco to walk around the block without barking at every person she sees on the road.
- Look forward to summer (even though I dislike this season)
- Learn to fiddle with all the computers at home (don’t just say “I don’t know how to do it!”)

Q3

- Swim more and make use of the pool. Stop thinking about the water spots on the hardwood floor.
- Spend more time in the backyard.
- Celebrate our 18th anniversary in a BIG way. We normally don’t do anything and when we first got married we even promised that we would celebrate the day we met. We’ve never made any kind of effort to really do any of that.
- Be brave and be ready to send my youngest to school.
- Create some ‘me’ time or at least figure that out.

Q4

- Don’t stress the little things. I always find myself stressing around this time of the year.
- Actually cook a Thanksgiving meal from scratch. Sorry Whole Foods ☺
- Throw a party for friends.
- Spend more time in San Francisco and get to know this city.
- Be more optimistic!

What about when life doesn’t give you lemons?

People always have all these clichéd expressions to say to you when the going gets tough. They make it sound so easy … but what if life doesn’t hand you lemons?

I just found out that a distant neighbor who lost his home to foreclosure; committed suicide a few months ago. He was pretty young and had two little kids younger than some of mine. I never spoke to the man. I remember honking at him while he was reversing his truck and not realizing that he was about to hit me. That was the extent of our interaction if you can even call it that.

I know and totally understand that times are tough for a lot of people these days. Money makes life a little easy but I never let it define my family or myself. I already make  stupid choices without even having money being in the equation. So sometimes, it’s actually good to have one less evil in your life.

The news of his suicide saddened me a lot. Well, it definitely gave me pause about the human condition. You can be rich or poor and I’m sure you can feel something for this man. You wonder of all the extreme circumstances that can make or break a person. You wonder about your own breaking point …

All I want for Christmas is …

my two front teeth? 
you?

LOL, you wished I were that easy!

Truthfully, Christmas is getting a tad bit old to me. I think I’m losing my Christmas cheer. My kids had been at each other’s throats for the last few weeks. There’s been crying, screaming & a whole lot of running. I’ve found broken ornaments, spilt drinks and cookie crumbs all over the house! Our youngest child is doing her best to test the naughty or nice Santa list. She’s been terrorizing us with her defiant attitude especially when it comes to finishing her dinner.

The gifts are trickling in, but the damn UPS man should at least try to deliver them while the kids are at school! Instead, he comes later and later every time. There’s nothing more annoying than seeing your two little boys ogling at that Amazon box, wondering what it has in store for them!

Wrapping gifts had been quite a chore too! The process of picking the gifts, ordering them should be enough for some but not for me! I just happen to volunteer to wrap them too! The window of time between the kids going to sleep and me falling asleep is getting smaller every day. I distinctly remember wrapping some gifts last night but completely forgot to put tags on them so I had to open some this morning to make sure the correct kid gets the correct present. FML.

Some days I do this really well but it had been quite a struggle this week. I feel like I am losing my rhythm but my OCD is in high gear. It’s like PMSing with a touch of OCD & depression. There’s still clothes to be washed, rooms/bathrooms to clean, grocery shopping, dinner to cook and around the clock baking next week. Again, FML!

Anyway, I will try to be a trooper and suck it up! I too have to make an effort to be good … otherwise there’s going to be nothing there for me under that Christmas tree! Oh! Ok, it’s not like I really care! Buh! Humbug!

Here’s my list in no particular order …

motivated

I’ve been in denial about my weight for so long. I’ll be the first person to tell you that I am stubborn as anything and would often refuse to listen to anyone’s advice or 2 cents. Coming from a Filipino heritage it is common to hear such insensitive comments like “you’re gaining weight”, “you look fatter than the last time I saw you”, etc, etc. I’ve heard this all too often; mostly from the older generation. I usually just ignore them and sometimes I even vow to gain more weight so they have something to talk about the next time I see them. It’s immature. I know;  but I’ve always thought that such attitude towards someone’s weight was just plain mean.

So here I am at the weight I am and it’s killing me. Not because I am obese but because I get so depressed about it. I always ate what I wanted to eat and with the kind of schedule I was on when I was working and raising my family – I really thought that was sufficient enough to balance out my food intake and physical activity. Now that I am no longer working; our family’s daily schedule is on overdrive and so again, I thought that’s enough to counter all the food I was ingesting. Obviously not when I have ballooned to the weight I am right now.

After several trips to the ER the last few months I was determined to do something about it once and for all. I had to find a way to motivate myself; to get on the treadmill and stay there! I’ve only started late last week but I’ve never been so focus about anything as I am right now. Honestly, the last time I was ever this motivated was back in 1991 when I saved every penny I had to buy myself a ticket to Manila. I was a senior in high school and worked at McDonald’s after school and managed to saved $3,000 AU. I was so proud of myself when I went on that trip knowing that I paid for the entire trip.

My breakfast of oatmeal was not inspiring, that whole 220 calories was not worth it! But that’s done and over with and I am mostly looking forward to lunch! So here I am, counting every calorie and every step I take on that treadmill. It’s hard work but it needs to get done. I’m sure I’ll come up with some brilliant excuses on why I need to get off that machine but I know that in the end – I know better.

something’s got to give …

You hear enough women say that women these days – can do it all. I woke up this morning questioning the validity of these statements and the percentage of mothers who have deluded themselves in believing into such overused cliché.

When I was working full-time; I was always worrying about my kids and spent three-quarters of my day feeling very guilty about leaving them to other people. I always felt like I was missing out on seeing them, getting to know them and knowing them completely. It was like a burden I carried all day at work. I didn’t function well and probably got away with just using 2% of my brain if any. I’ve always put my job second and that was fine with me because I knew that if my kids grew up without a sense of direction – then I’ve messed up in a big way and at that point I know the damage would be irrevocable.

Growing up, my mother worked 18-hour days. I always thought she was insane! My father on the other hand; had a 9-5 job and tried very hard to keep order in our home. It was tough; but as my sister and I grew older; we learned to adapt and do things for ourselves. I probably spent a good amount of my teenage years convincing myself that I was fine, that our life was ok and that I didn’t miss out on anything special. My sister and I certainly didn’t have everything but we’ve managed to get decent grades at school; rarely got ourselves in trouble and stayed away from the wrong type of friends. All of that, without my parents pushing us to do better in school or giving us lectures about how to pick the right friends. They were pretty easy-going as far as parents goes. Majority of my friend’s parents also worked; not the kind of long hours my parents did but they dealt with the same things as I did. It was the norm for me and looking back; I have no regrets or anger towards my parents because they weren’t there for my volleyball games or award ceremonies. They did the best they could and if I couldn’t remember any instances when they were present for me – then so be it. I don’t love and respect them any less.

Now that I am a mother of four, I’ve been trying to examine my life a little closer. I’ve been out of the workforce for 1.5 years; mainly because of my health and secondly because I’ve lost my ability to jungle work and family without hyperventilating on the freeway. Not having an income is devastating for someone who has worked all her life. Some days, I feel like I have nothing. There are still house payments and car payments to make and often times I feel like I have nothing to contribute. Despite of all the things that I do; like housework, homework, yard work and any work related things you could think of that involves 4 kids and a home – it doesn’t hide the fact that I bring in zero dollars in this household. There are days when this realization is hard to take.

Life at home has its own share of joy. Yes, I am one of those weird mothers who enjoy cleaning and doing the same chores over and over. What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment. It took probably a good year for me to get used to living a life without a schedule. Anything goes in this household! In spite of all the preconceived ideas of any working mother contemplating on being a stay-at-home mom; I will be the first to tell you that it’s been absolutely rewarding. The rewards that I have gotten at the end of the day pales in comparison to taking home a paycheck. I kid around about leaving my kids behind to my husband if we ever get a divorce but my kids had been an absolute joy to have around. When my husband is out-of-town; I try to savor their undivided attention.  We’ve had some really fun moments on our own and those are just my memories and not my husbands.

So I think, that’s where my point lies. When you are not around – someone else is creating all of these wonderful memories with your children. That in itself is a painful lesson. Your kids will love you the same, whether you are there or not. There will be disappointments but in the long run – they tend to forget! Kids these days are resilient and they just move on. I think stay-at-home mothers get a bad rap. Don’t you notice that it’s often the most important jobs that command the least respect?

What I do know is that I made the right choice for me. If you are a working mother, I have nothing against you. It is a choice and that choice is yours to make. My mother may have some regrets on her own but I don’t want the same regrets someday. I’d be the first person to admit that I’ve made too many compromises in my life. Now that I am a little bit older and perhaps a tiny bit wiser; I don’t want to lose sight of what is important to me.

Though I enjoyed working and talking to adults; nothing beats an afternoon nap with my 4-year old or hearing her belt out some original tunes. I don’t think we should have it all; I think life would be too easy if we did. I think we all have to suffer some, sacrifice some and come to realize that the time we have with our children is something we could never take back. So once in a while, put down the camera or your work laptop and don’t log into Facebook/MySpace or Friendster. Instead, spend some quality time with your kids. You will thank yourself in the end …

cheap eats in Tracy, CA

As a mother of 4 growing children, I do not have a lot of time to prepare dinner every night. I have 3 kids in school so worrying about lunches is not really a problem for my 4-year old daughter and I. Suffice to say, due to their activities – we often eat out at night. I know that’s bad but you do what you have to do right?

So here’s a list of some really cheap places in Tracy, CA. Not always that healthy but cheap! Considering the economy these days, it’s hard to keep eating out. I am not affiliated to any of these stores; just sharing some tips if you are looking for some really cool deals. This is a working list so I’ll keep adding as I find new and better deals around Tracy, CA.

Strings Cafe
2541 Naglee Rd.
Ste. D
Tracy, CA 95304
Phone: (209) 835-9040

All you can eat pasta for $5.99 during lunch and or you can get the Cafe Combo (soup, salad & bread) for $7.00

All you can eat pasta for $6.95 on Mondays/Wednesdays, kids eat for free on Tuesdays and you can order a full size Pizza for $7.00 (cheese only).

Costco
3250 W Grant Line Rd
Tracy, CA 95304

Despite what you’ve heard; you don’t need a membership to buy anything from their food court. Who can beat $1.50 hotdogs and a drink? You can’t do this too often though because after a while you don’t want to step foot in there.

Chevy’s
2770 Naglee Rd
Tracy, CA 95304
(209) 839-2241

Their lunch is still pricey at $8.99 but they give you a good amount of food. Tuesday’s are the best deal when they offer kids eat for free for each entrée that you order. A few times I got away with the $3.99 entrée coupon if you buy one entrée. So altogether you pay a full price for one entree and $3.99 for the next and two kids eat for free! If you order water; you can spend less than $15 for 2 entrée’s and 2 kids meal. That doesn’t work for all the waiter/waitresses so be prepared and they do say that the coupon is not valid with any other offer.

They also have a happy hour Mon-Fri from 3-7 pm. Their drinks are $3 and their appetizer menu is 50% off.

Rubio’s
2431 Naglee Road
Tracy, CA 95304-7324
(209) 835-7765

They offer $1.25 fish tacos on Tuesday’s. You can get a free fish taco if you sign up for their newsletter.

Hot Dog on a Stick
West Valley Mall
3200 North Naglee Road
Tracy, CA 95304
(209) 836-4091

Who can beat $1 hotdogs on Tuesday’s? My family bought one of those fundraising cards from my son’s soccer team. The best $10 investment we’ve ever made. You can get a whole slew of free things for a whole year. One of the giveaways is a free drink for every hotdog purchased and guess what was for dinner last night? 5 hotdog and 5 lemonade for $5.45. The free drink is good for the entire week but of course, it makes a bigger impact on $1 Tuesdays.

Applebee’s
3060 N. Naglee Road
Tracy, CA 95304
209.834.0360

They have a 2 for $20 menu everyday. You can get a choice of one appetizer and two entrée’s. Just ask for water and you can get away with a good dinner for under $23. Yes, $3 is sufficient enough for a tip! They also have some lunch deals that starts at $5.99. However, I think there’s only two choices that are at $5.99 so be careful and read the fine print! You can also find some coupons in your mailbox sometimes.

I also noticed yesterday that they have a special offer for families! Kids eat for 99 cents Mon-Wed.

Little Cesar’s Pizza
245 E 11th St
Tracy, CA 95376

I don’t really know how much their pizza now but it used to cost $5 a year ago. I’ve heard the price had gone up. One of the funny things I do here is that I don’t look at the price. I know that one cheese or pepperoni pizza will cost me less than $10 so sometimes I never bother looking at my change. I hate this pizza and refused to eat it! The crusts tastes like cardboard box. The cheese is like rubber and there’s so much grease in it. Can’t be good for you but I guess that goes for every fast food. The hubby loves it though for some reason.

Okay, so that’s all I have for now. If there are other cool deals out there! Email me and if you are a business owner in Tracy and would like to advertise your deals. Let me know!

a new year.

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged or written here. I’ve had a crazy year, very similar to 2008 but nevertheless, still crazy. It’s not like my family does anything spontaneous or outrageous. We’re homebodies or maybe I’m not and I’ve just convinced myself to be (or to write that).

January was  a blur. I don’t even remember ever writing down the month let alone the year 2010. I just wrote my second check for this year and it still felt strange to write “2010″, it seemed unnatural.

I’m going into my second year of being a stay-at-home mom. It’s a struggle everyday. It feels like the work never ends. Maybe, I need a vacation.

I just had a birthday which we rolled with Valentines Day and Chinese New Year. No big deal, when you’re older the birthdays just becomes an ordinary day. No need for gifts or cards; I hate being reminded.

This post is blah; because I feel just like that.

Bill Clinton’s legacy

I know that President Clinton received a lot of flak in the past. Much to my dismay, there had been a lot said about his moral compass and the impeachment.

I’ve always wondered how will history remember him? My thoughts had always been favorable. I remember the booming economy, his determined efforts toward reforming our foreign policy and of course who could forget his charismatic ways?

Today, the good deed that he accomplished in North Korea trumps all the scandals and controversies. This was a personal effort. This showed a lot about his support for his wife, Hillary and that should buy him points (with the women) despite all the reports that they lead separate lives.

Indeed, today is a great day to reassess our feelings about this man.

Begging

I was reading our local newspaper this morning and read someone’s article (or should I say ‘complaint’) about the beggars/homeless around Tracy. Times are tough and by the looks of what’s going on around our town, everyone is feeling it.

What I don’t understand is when people start calling the cops because they feel like there’s too many people begging around town. I’m not sure if  begging/panhandling is an offense in Tracy . If this person is so concerned about how the city may look, then I think with the two sensational/national news our town had to endure this last year is enough to make us look bad for years to come.

Give these people a break! If you don’t want to give them anything – then don’t! If they refuse to go to shelters, then that is their prerogative. It’s a free country after all! You don’t know what made these people decide to sleep on the streets. Sometimes it’s beyond their control, some of them I’m sure are mentally ill and of course I’m sure there are a small percentage of them that could not be bothered to find a job.
But again, giving should be just that – giving! Who cares if they have more money than you or are just ‘faking it’. If you feel good about giving then that should be what it’s all about. They will thank you, your heart will thank you and come judgement time – I’m sure God is not going to say “We’ll I’m not sure if I could count that one time you gave to someone who really had a car and a beautiful home”.
Let’s put this into perspective. If you cannot spare a dollar, then don’t. It is your hard earned money after all. If you are suspicious and not sure how they will spend your precious dollar, then buy them food or a drink. But for fuck sake, if they are not hurting anybody – don’t go calling the cops on them or compare them to gangs. We’re all just trying to get through the day …

slipping away

Every day I feel like my dreams of going to Paris is never going to happen. I log in to Facebook and I check out other people’s travel maps and I get fascinated how these people and some of my friends find the money, energy and the time to go to all the places that they’ve been to.
It’s not like I am envious, I just want to go to France. It’s been my dream since I was a little girl. I took French for a few years, hoping that I would know some of the language when I got there. The older I get, the harder it becomes to remember the words and phrases!
My husband would always say we have responsibilities, 4 kids, etc, etc. I look at what’s going on with the world and economy and I am disappointed that the ‘responsible’ ones seems to have finished last. We did not gain anything from the bailout money. In fact, I’m sure we’ll be paying more taxes next year. Yeah, tax season just ended and I have so much to look forward to.
I just feel like I never got the chance to live it up! We’re always thinking about mortgages, college fund, paying the bills, etc. It’s just too depressing.
Along with the big white wedding and losing weight, perhaps it’s time to bury this other dream of mine because it’ll never happen.